The saga of second bests #1

‘Feet Up (Pat Him on the Po Po)’ – Guy Mitchell, 7/11/1952

I’m not sure you can get much more ‘50s than this record. ‘Feet Up (Pat Him on the Po Po)’ sounds like it was tailor-made for a Fallout game, or a penny arcade in Morecambe. Between the whizzing whistles, the affected laughs, and the po-po patting, Guy Mitchell (born Albert Cernik) tells the story of a ‘former lowlife who is reforming so he can set a good example for his newborn son, whom he loves’. Or so the Wikipedia says. The only thing you’ll remember is the chorus, in which a whimsical crowd joins Mitchell in repeating the song’s ridiculous title.

Guy Mitchell was a failed child star that ended up selling around 40 million records, like a reverse Corey Feldman. We’ll be meeting him (Mitchell, not Feldman) again a few times, and I’m hoping that those tracks aren’t quite so quaint. Less glockenspiel, if that’s okay? 

It’s an inoffensive song, a piece of ‘furniture music’ – not made to stir any feeling, but to play idly in a diner. The po-po malarky sounds like a fusty innuendo, but apparently it refers to patting a baby on the back to help its breathing. Thankfully not blatant sexual assault, just an obnoxious piece of antiquity! The title irked me immediately, though. Plenty of songs from this time feel particularly gimmicky, but this is usually remedied by a catchy tune underpinning it, the cool swagger of a ‘50s popstar swinging and singing a timeless and/or charming classic. ‘Feet Up’ is not so lucky. It feels dated, manufactured, and twee, all to the point of parody.

Should it be silver?

Al Martino’s ‘Here in My Heart’ is another pretty standard affair, a crooner buoyed by a dramatic (some might add melo-) string arrangement. Martino definitely deserved the gold this week, if only for the fact that his song is infinitely less jarring than Mitchell’s.

Rating

1.5 Po Pos out of 5